It’s not every day that I pull out my soapbox and threaten to flog my golf brethren. Unfortunately, today is one of those days.    With golf season officially in full swing, it’s difficult to swing a club without hitting a charity or fundraising golf event. Most of these are played in a scramble format. The idea is to have fun and allow everyone, no matter their skill level, to have a good time. All while donating money to a good cause.

    I cannot think of any other sport or at any other time in golf where cheating is more prevalent that at one of these events. Golf is, or perhaps I should say was, a gentleman’s game. Gentlemen, and ladies, do not and would not cheat!

     I have found the numbers of true gentlemen and ladies at scrambles to be thinning at an alarming rate. The cheating appears to begin when the forms are filled out. Everyone seems to inflate their handicaps by a stroke or ten. I have to laugh when a four-some, whose best player carries a 20 handicap, somehow manages to shoot 15 to 20-under par for the day. Do you have any idea what the odds of that “legitimately” happening are?

    I also know that a great way to make extra money for the event is to sell mulligans. Usually we’re limited to two per person. I cannot tell you the number of times my group has waited in the fairway to hit and watched as the group on the green took six or seven tries to finally make a birdie putt. Do they know someone who sells mulligans by the dozen?

    There also seems to be a pattern to winning. Most of the “closest to the pin” or “longest drive” winners come out of the very last group to play that hole. It’s as if they feel the need to write down their name on the sheet as they bring it in with them. 

   A friend told me of a time when his buddies were playing an event where each four-some was teamed with an athlete or celebrity. Their team-mate was a retired major leaguer who played for the Washington Senators. The former athlete had his own cart and on one hole he saw the guy pick up the ball and throw his marker up towards the hole.

    He asked him what he was doing and the response was, "Do you want to win?" 

   My friend replied that he wanted to win, but that cheating isn't winning. The former player just looked at him and said “Winning is when you get the trophy.” When told that they weren't playing that way. He just laughed and called them stupid.

    Then there is the group who are always the last to finish. They come in late, look over the board at the scores already posted and somehow, always seem to have the lowest score by a stroke or two. I actually played in one event where we were rained out after six holes. Two teams turned in completed scorecards. The worst part was that they were hardly embarrassed at being caught.

    The main problem is that vast majority of golfers are inclined to cheat. In their own minds of course they like to feel noble and will never admit to themselves that they're cheating, so they invent reasons for it. They're just taking a first tee mulligan because they don't warm up, so that isn't cheating. Raking away a four-footer helps speed up play, so that isn't cheating. Preferred lies are necessary because the course is spotty and you don't get perfect lies, so that isn't cheating. Those darn trees might break a club if you try to hit your shot from too near to one. So, tossing the ball back into the fairway is equipment preservation, not cheating. The penalty for out-of-bounds is too severe, so dropping a ball where it went out is just common sense, not cheating. And so on, and so on and so on.

     So I guess it shouldn’t be any surprise that the same attitude carries over into scrambles.

   There is a lesson in all this. If you plan to be honest, expect to have almost no chance of winning a scramble. But at least you can live with yourself and you have the comfort that you’ve helped someone raise money for a worthwhile cause.