How do you like to tee it up? Do you prefer playing a leisurely Saturday morning game with friends, or is teeing up in a tournament more your style?

Regardless of how you love the game, there are significant differences between both types of play. Over the last few months I have played in several tournaments and enjoyed as much casual golf as I was able to squeeze in. These experiences have helped me learn much about my golf game and myself.

I’ve been playing tournament golf on and off for the last 13 years, starting when I was a high school freshman. Before then, I only played for fun. I enjoy both styles of play, especially since I love to compete. Golf is fun for me because you can compete whether you are playing to win a major tournament or just bragging rights over your friends or family. I always try to come into the clubhouse on top, less I need to endure stories of my loss for days until my next win.

When playing with my buddies, I obviously don’t feel the butterflies that might occur if I were about to step up to the tee at the U.S. Open. There’s some sort of comfort in knowing that if you play well against your pals on any given day, then you’ll most likely win. You never worry about trying too hard or being too serious—unless you’re absolutely determined to beat your friends that day.

This is all too different when teeing up for a competitive tournament. When I recently teed up at the U.S. Amateur (the third time I’ve tried to get past the first round of qualifying), I failed to qualify. I struggled to find my swing. Looking back, I think I put too much pressure on myself even before the tournament began.

What puzzled me about my disappointing performance was that I am an experienced competitive golfer—in college I was a Third-Team All-American. Like any golfer who hasn’t competed in awhile and plays well in the beginning of the season, I didn’t hesitate to sign up for tournaments this year. Then the tournament season rolled around, and it was as if I forgot how to play. My grip became tighter. My body became tenser. Then my swing started to do the opposite of what my mind was telling it to do.

At the U.S. Amateur, I went in thinking I had an advantage because I played that particular course more than a dozen times before. Yet I was baffled to find that my experience made absolutely no difference to my game that day. Somehow I started missing shots that I had made effortlessly before. I’d like to think that my performance suffered due to the scorching 110-degree weather, but every other golfer in the tournament endured the same conditions. So why was that tournament day different compared to all the other times I earned a low score on that course? Why couldn’t it be like the day before when I played a practice round and was pleased with my score?

The only explanation I have is that the mental game is incredibly tough on any golfer. I realized I truly need to focus on the course, forget about the distractions, and just play. This is why Tiger Woods is remarkably exceptional, week in and week out. He has the uncanny ability to control himself and focus on simply playing the game.

Regardless of how you like to play, trust your game and let it happen. Your mind is the best and worst club you have in your bag. I’ve learned that if you try to force your mind, like a golf shot, then you won’t achieve the results you’re seeking. When you truly relax and take that easy swing, the ball will fly the way you’ve planned. If you’re able to have fun on the course, then you’re more likely to win every time you tee up. 

Sometimes we want to play so well that we force shots instead of just letting the club get through the ball. This happened to me when I played in another tournament in Iowa this year. Even though I entered the tournament solely for fun and there was no pressure to play welI, I struggled for two rounds and missed the cut. If I had thought of the course as a leisurely game I would enjoy with my friends, I’m certain I would have played much better than I scored. For me, this experience underscored how crucial it is to master the mental game when competing individually.

Two other tournaments I participate in are the Father-Son and the Mother-Son at my local club. It’s funny how I always manage to play better in the Mother-Son tournament because the environment is much more relaxed. During the Father-Son tournament, where testosterone abounds and competition rises, I put a lot of pressure on myself and rarely play up to my expectations.

I know many suffer from the same problems I struggle with on the course—otherwise, we all would be teeing it up on TV during the weekends. Finding your comfort zone and mastering the mental game often seems like a losing battle. However, in the last few months I’ve learned to appreciate the game as a way to understand how I react to different obstacles—and how I can overcome them. Sometimes we want things so badly that we don’t let them happen naturally. Golf has helped me find what works for me: I’ve learned to play shot by shot and never get ahead of myself.
The best thing I can do in any situation is to stay in the moment. I’m not saying having a strategy is wrong—in fact, having a game plan for everything will only increase my chances of succeeding. But I’ve found that staying in the moment and not worrying about the outcome always seems to work to my advantage. Whether competing with friends or in my next tournament, I’ll now remember to focus on playing within my game and trying not to get too far ahead of myself.

Michael J. Kraft is a scratch golfer who frequently plays in Park Ridge, Ill.